Alas, I post again!

It's been some time since my last post and I dare take my mind away from that which I know is impossible to forget. In the last few months many things have happened. Mid July I began working on my latest book and creation. Master Cycle Numerology, and it's rather interesting, revealing, and down right on the nose correct about more things than I can explain.

The third week of August, my brother decided to tie the knot with the woman whom he had been living with for the last 4 years. I never had a good feeling about it. Back in June I found myself wide awake watching discovery channel and some Shamanic traditions. Shamanism has always pulled me closely to it's side, but this was a rare event in that it was a marathon on the many shamanic traditions and ways.

As I watched I sensed a part of myself somewhere in those high mountains, as if some connection, be it past or present life, was definitely there. One particular show talked about the ceremonies done for marriages. If a shaman did not give the okay for the wedding, the couple must not marry, or suffer tragedy if they did against the advice of the shaman. Many animals were sacraficed during this process, in order to see if it was clear for the couple to marry. Twice, the intestines of the animal examined, showed the pass was not clear, giving a clear NO to the marriage. Finally on the last animal sacraficed, a yes, clear passage sign, was given.

It got me thinking about my brother who was marrying soon. It also made me think of how responsible I am for the many that come to me for resolve in their life issues. Shaman's don't work in any traditional manner, they work in a one of a kind way, to each his own, that makes the lives of those around them, easier, clearer and peaceful. A shaman could walk up to a villager who was sick, and walk out and pick the necessary herbs and berries to cure them. Each cure was individualized as spirit saw fit.

I tried to shove my brother's marriage out of my mind, and focus on the healing that the shaman's did, and I did rather good for a few days. Just days later, while the Shaman living flooded my mind, I got an invitation to "firewalk". I'd never studied, but I knew it was a sign that I must not ignore. 24 hours later, I walked over burning hot coals with ease. Most did not think I would do it, and yet, I knew the instant I got the invitation, that I was walking.

Things were feeling good, and then my brother's wedding kept eating at my mind. I knew there was something wrong and that spirit would not approve of such a uniting, and I became wrestless with worry, and wondered if I should not attend. The first week of August, my brother called to ask for my assistance in removing his carpet, as they were to be getting tile installed. Without hesitation I offered any help.

From the moment I arrived, I knew something was wrong. I could feel it. His soon to be wife was playing some tragic controlling head game in an attempt to make my brother look and feel a fool. She ignored his every request and moved slowly to mine. It was as if she wanted to start a fight, and was waiting for him to crack. Finally I spoke up, "Hey, I'm not here to be your slave. It's rather rude for you to ignore your soon to be husband and expect me to do all your work while you stand around refusing to help." I said. "This is your house, and if you want this done I suggest you get that broom and start sweeping like you were supposed to be doing all along, or you can get down here and remove all these tacks yourself."

The rest of the day only got worse. I mean she assisted, but she refused to comply with anything my brother asked of her. It was done on purpose, as she flaunted a grin from ear to ear everytime she forced him to the point of begging. He was doing this for her, because she wanted it, and all she was asked to do was clear the hall closets (to speed the process) and sweep up after we were done. It wasn't that big a deal, or shouldn't have been, but she made him suffer every last second.

There was even a time when I got so frustrated at her lack of compassion and love for her husband to be, that I said, "Jesus, what is wrong with you! You can see he can't breathe and you are standing there after I asked you to get him a fan. What is your problem?" My brother answered, "She thinks I'm worth more dead than alive." I was shocked, saddened and appauled at the whole hearted seriousness of his words. She tried to break the mood by chiming in with a "Oh please, I'm the one worth $250,000, you aren't even worth what, $100,000.00, if that?" I could not believe the words I was hearing from this low life insecure woman. What kind of game was she really playing, was all I could think.

Later my brother and I headed out to get lunch for her and the kids. He took me for a drive by an out of the way cemetary, owned by some old timers. Then he drove me by a couple pieces of land he'd been working on, and made sure to tell me which ones to get if I was going to buy one. "I've looked at all the specks, and that one and this one is the biggest here," he said. He asked me to move out by him, and I could clearly see why. He was being verbally, mentally and physically abused by a woman, who thought she controlled his life because she had his child, (or so she claimed). My gut was appauled. After hanging around to listen to the rest of her comments, "oh I can't wait till this whole wedding is finally over." and "Well I can't have my kids in this mold," When referring to the mold we found in the bathroom after pulling up the old tile. She never gave one caring word to my brother, not even a thought.

I struggled after I left, about wether I should tell him not to go through with it, or not attending at all. Or maybe, go and stand up when they asked if anyone objects. I'm sorry I didn't do any of three. It was only 19 days after being married that he died in their home. From what I can gather, he was getting excited for his friends to come live with him while they found a house to buy, and so the whole "suicide" theory, doesn't fit well with me. What disturbs me more, is that we were not notified until more than an hour after he'd been dead, yet her family was on scene as they took his body away. More disgusting is the fact that her story changed numerous times, and her mother has been her "protector" since this happened. She won't let her out of her sight.

I went down to see the crime scene photos, and new instantly that the note left was not his writing, or his style. Something terrible went wrong that night. I felt it and resisted the urge to call over and tell him about the photos I'd gotten from his wedding. I couldn't sleep though, nor could my child, and when the call came in at almost 1 in the morning, I felt helpless as one could. Was it all just a terrible dream? No I wasn't sleeping. Was it a bad joke? No, no one was laughing. What in the world did she do to him? 'yes' I heard, and as the story goes, the information started flowing from the other side.

She claimed to have cut him down, and begin CPR, but that is a far cry from what I watched the day I was in the hallway demanding she help him when he couldn't breathe from all the heat mixed wtih the dust. She said he was angry over her returning home 20 minutes late from work, and we all know he liked his breaks from her. She claimed he went out for a cigarette, and she went to check on him and found him. Everyone that knows her knows she didn't leave him alone for more than 5 minutes at a time, so that doesn't fit. Nothing fits. Nothing she says anyway.

I found out what they were fighting over, and it wasn't about 20 minutes. She changed her story to going out for a cigarette, to going downstairs to play on the computer (which he'd not touched in over a year), where the note was found, then outside to have a cigarette. (again nothing about this timeline is right) and last but not least, she claims the big knock across his forehead, came from work on Monday, (labor day) and once that was pointed out to her, it became Tuesday, but the neighbors said they didn't see anything wrong with his head on Tuesday night. (but she doesn't know that I know that) but in an attempt to cover the first two lies, she said it must have happened when she cut him down. (which doesn't fit the abrasion one gets from hitting head first into the floor).

Do I have reason to suspect that this woman had a hand in this, absolutely I do. Do I have a leg or two or three to stand on? Yes I do. Does she? Does she?

After struggling over what I should have, could have, would have done, if time were to reverse......I remember back to the shaman shows, that say, a shaman can help his village, but it is taboo, to help his family.