Okay okay so I've not been around much since my brother died. I don't even remember creating this blog, but since reading it it sure is bringing back memories. If I'm to be honest, no one is reading these anyway, but hey it's all good right? Another honest point...well I was kind of pissed off at spirit for a while after my brother passed cause I knew he was going to be leaving and I didn't understand why they would tell me if I couldn't do anything about it. It truly made no sense to me and I was filled with anger for a while.
Nowadays I talk to my brother often and I know he's clearly around more than I realize, but it's nice to know he wasn't mad at me when he passed. On the other hand I feel sorry for those he was mad at. I would not want to be on that end of the stick if you know what I mean.
Since my last post I've published a couple books, moved out of the city and found myself on a new level with life in general. I got my brother's voice on an EVP clear as day and that was genuinely comforting. I've started school and literally am about to graduate if I can just pass this last term off. I've got a few inventions in the works and I've been working a murder case since it occurred in 2009. Well, let me rephrase that...it's not a murder case, it's a missing person's case, but I know it's murder.
While I hope to seriously keep up this blog, I have so many going right now it's difficult for me to keep track. I will do my best though. It seems I've always something to say. To anyone who may read this....I wish you well, and for those that don't, I wish you well too. Take care.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Alas, I post again!
It's been some time since my last post and I dare take my mind away from that which I know is impossible to forget. In the last few months many things have happened. Mid July I began working on my latest book and creation. Master Cycle Numerology, and it's rather interesting, revealing, and down right on the nose correct about more things than I can explain.
The third week of August, my brother decided to tie the knot with the woman whom he had been living with for the last 4 years. I never had a good feeling about it. Back in June I found myself wide awake watching discovery channel and some Shamanic traditions. Shamanism has always pulled me closely to it's side, but this was a rare event in that it was a marathon on the many shamanic traditions and ways.
As I watched I sensed a part of myself somewhere in those high mountains, as if some connection, be it past or present life, was definitely there. One particular show talked about the ceremonies done for marriages. If a shaman did not give the okay for the wedding, the couple must not marry, or suffer tragedy if they did against the advice of the shaman. Many animals were sacraficed during this process, in order to see if it was clear for the couple to marry. Twice, the intestines of the animal examined, showed the pass was not clear, giving a clear NO to the marriage. Finally on the last animal sacraficed, a yes, clear passage sign, was given.
It got me thinking about my brother who was marrying soon. It also made me think of how responsible I am for the many that come to me for resolve in their life issues. Shaman's don't work in any traditional manner, they work in a one of a kind way, to each his own, that makes the lives of those around them, easier, clearer and peaceful. A shaman could walk up to a villager who was sick, and walk out and pick the necessary herbs and berries to cure them. Each cure was individualized as spirit saw fit.
I tried to shove my brother's marriage out of my mind, and focus on the healing that the shaman's did, and I did rather good for a few days. Just days later, while the Shaman living flooded my mind, I got an invitation to "firewalk". I'd never studied, but I knew it was a sign that I must not ignore. 24 hours later, I walked over burning hot coals with ease. Most did not think I would do it, and yet, I knew the instant I got the invitation, that I was walking.
Things were feeling good, and then my brother's wedding kept eating at my mind. I knew there was something wrong and that spirit would not approve of such a uniting, and I became wrestless with worry, and wondered if I should not attend. The first week of August, my brother called to ask for my assistance in removing his carpet, as they were to be getting tile installed. Without hesitation I offered any help.
From the moment I arrived, I knew something was wrong. I could feel it. His soon to be wife was playing some tragic controlling head game in an attempt to make my brother look and feel a fool. She ignored his every request and moved slowly to mine. It was as if she wanted to start a fight, and was waiting for him to crack. Finally I spoke up, "Hey, I'm not here to be your slave. It's rather rude for you to ignore your soon to be husband and expect me to do all your work while you stand around refusing to help." I said. "This is your house, and if you want this done I suggest you get that broom and start sweeping like you were supposed to be doing all along, or you can get down here and remove all these tacks yourself."
The rest of the day only got worse. I mean she assisted, but she refused to comply with anything my brother asked of her. It was done on purpose, as she flaunted a grin from ear to ear everytime she forced him to the point of begging. He was doing this for her, because she wanted it, and all she was asked to do was clear the hall closets (to speed the process) and sweep up after we were done. It wasn't that big a deal, or shouldn't have been, but she made him suffer every last second.
There was even a time when I got so frustrated at her lack of compassion and love for her husband to be, that I said, "Jesus, what is wrong with you! You can see he can't breathe and you are standing there after I asked you to get him a fan. What is your problem?" My brother answered, "She thinks I'm worth more dead than alive." I was shocked, saddened and appauled at the whole hearted seriousness of his words. She tried to break the mood by chiming in with a "Oh please, I'm the one worth $250,000, you aren't even worth what, $100,000.00, if that?" I could not believe the words I was hearing from this low life insecure woman. What kind of game was she really playing, was all I could think.
Later my brother and I headed out to get lunch for her and the kids. He took me for a drive by an out of the way cemetary, owned by some old timers. Then he drove me by a couple pieces of land he'd been working on, and made sure to tell me which ones to get if I was going to buy one. "I've looked at all the specks, and that one and this one is the biggest here," he said. He asked me to move out by him, and I could clearly see why. He was being verbally, mentally and physically abused by a woman, who thought she controlled his life because she had his child, (or so she claimed). My gut was appauled. After hanging around to listen to the rest of her comments, "oh I can't wait till this whole wedding is finally over." and "Well I can't have my kids in this mold," When referring to the mold we found in the bathroom after pulling up the old tile. She never gave one caring word to my brother, not even a thought.
I struggled after I left, about wether I should tell him not to go through with it, or not attending at all. Or maybe, go and stand up when they asked if anyone objects. I'm sorry I didn't do any of three. It was only 19 days after being married that he died in their home. From what I can gather, he was getting excited for his friends to come live with him while they found a house to buy, and so the whole "suicide" theory, doesn't fit well with me. What disturbs me more, is that we were not notified until more than an hour after he'd been dead, yet her family was on scene as they took his body away. More disgusting is the fact that her story changed numerous times, and her mother has been her "protector" since this happened. She won't let her out of her sight.
I went down to see the crime scene photos, and new instantly that the note left was not his writing, or his style. Something terrible went wrong that night. I felt it and resisted the urge to call over and tell him about the photos I'd gotten from his wedding. I couldn't sleep though, nor could my child, and when the call came in at almost 1 in the morning, I felt helpless as one could. Was it all just a terrible dream? No I wasn't sleeping. Was it a bad joke? No, no one was laughing. What in the world did she do to him? 'yes' I heard, and as the story goes, the information started flowing from the other side.
She claimed to have cut him down, and begin CPR, but that is a far cry from what I watched the day I was in the hallway demanding she help him when he couldn't breathe from all the heat mixed wtih the dust. She said he was angry over her returning home 20 minutes late from work, and we all know he liked his breaks from her. She claimed he went out for a cigarette, and she went to check on him and found him. Everyone that knows her knows she didn't leave him alone for more than 5 minutes at a time, so that doesn't fit. Nothing fits. Nothing she says anyway.
I found out what they were fighting over, and it wasn't about 20 minutes. She changed her story to going out for a cigarette, to going downstairs to play on the computer (which he'd not touched in over a year), where the note was found, then outside to have a cigarette. (again nothing about this timeline is right) and last but not least, she claims the big knock across his forehead, came from work on Monday, (labor day) and once that was pointed out to her, it became Tuesday, but the neighbors said they didn't see anything wrong with his head on Tuesday night. (but she doesn't know that I know that) but in an attempt to cover the first two lies, she said it must have happened when she cut him down. (which doesn't fit the abrasion one gets from hitting head first into the floor).
Do I have reason to suspect that this woman had a hand in this, absolutely I do. Do I have a leg or two or three to stand on? Yes I do. Does she? Does she?
After struggling over what I should have, could have, would have done, if time were to reverse......I remember back to the shaman shows, that say, a shaman can help his village, but it is taboo, to help his family.
The third week of August, my brother decided to tie the knot with the woman whom he had been living with for the last 4 years. I never had a good feeling about it. Back in June I found myself wide awake watching discovery channel and some Shamanic traditions. Shamanism has always pulled me closely to it's side, but this was a rare event in that it was a marathon on the many shamanic traditions and ways.
As I watched I sensed a part of myself somewhere in those high mountains, as if some connection, be it past or present life, was definitely there. One particular show talked about the ceremonies done for marriages. If a shaman did not give the okay for the wedding, the couple must not marry, or suffer tragedy if they did against the advice of the shaman. Many animals were sacraficed during this process, in order to see if it was clear for the couple to marry. Twice, the intestines of the animal examined, showed the pass was not clear, giving a clear NO to the marriage. Finally on the last animal sacraficed, a yes, clear passage sign, was given.
It got me thinking about my brother who was marrying soon. It also made me think of how responsible I am for the many that come to me for resolve in their life issues. Shaman's don't work in any traditional manner, they work in a one of a kind way, to each his own, that makes the lives of those around them, easier, clearer and peaceful. A shaman could walk up to a villager who was sick, and walk out and pick the necessary herbs and berries to cure them. Each cure was individualized as spirit saw fit.
I tried to shove my brother's marriage out of my mind, and focus on the healing that the shaman's did, and I did rather good for a few days. Just days later, while the Shaman living flooded my mind, I got an invitation to "firewalk". I'd never studied, but I knew it was a sign that I must not ignore. 24 hours later, I walked over burning hot coals with ease. Most did not think I would do it, and yet, I knew the instant I got the invitation, that I was walking.
Things were feeling good, and then my brother's wedding kept eating at my mind. I knew there was something wrong and that spirit would not approve of such a uniting, and I became wrestless with worry, and wondered if I should not attend. The first week of August, my brother called to ask for my assistance in removing his carpet, as they were to be getting tile installed. Without hesitation I offered any help.
From the moment I arrived, I knew something was wrong. I could feel it. His soon to be wife was playing some tragic controlling head game in an attempt to make my brother look and feel a fool. She ignored his every request and moved slowly to mine. It was as if she wanted to start a fight, and was waiting for him to crack. Finally I spoke up, "Hey, I'm not here to be your slave. It's rather rude for you to ignore your soon to be husband and expect me to do all your work while you stand around refusing to help." I said. "This is your house, and if you want this done I suggest you get that broom and start sweeping like you were supposed to be doing all along, or you can get down here and remove all these tacks yourself."
The rest of the day only got worse. I mean she assisted, but she refused to comply with anything my brother asked of her. It was done on purpose, as she flaunted a grin from ear to ear everytime she forced him to the point of begging. He was doing this for her, because she wanted it, and all she was asked to do was clear the hall closets (to speed the process) and sweep up after we were done. It wasn't that big a deal, or shouldn't have been, but she made him suffer every last second.
There was even a time when I got so frustrated at her lack of compassion and love for her husband to be, that I said, "Jesus, what is wrong with you! You can see he can't breathe and you are standing there after I asked you to get him a fan. What is your problem?" My brother answered, "She thinks I'm worth more dead than alive." I was shocked, saddened and appauled at the whole hearted seriousness of his words. She tried to break the mood by chiming in with a "Oh please, I'm the one worth $250,000, you aren't even worth what, $100,000.00, if that?" I could not believe the words I was hearing from this low life insecure woman. What kind of game was she really playing, was all I could think.
Later my brother and I headed out to get lunch for her and the kids. He took me for a drive by an out of the way cemetary, owned by some old timers. Then he drove me by a couple pieces of land he'd been working on, and made sure to tell me which ones to get if I was going to buy one. "I've looked at all the specks, and that one and this one is the biggest here," he said. He asked me to move out by him, and I could clearly see why. He was being verbally, mentally and physically abused by a woman, who thought she controlled his life because she had his child, (or so she claimed). My gut was appauled. After hanging around to listen to the rest of her comments, "oh I can't wait till this whole wedding is finally over." and "Well I can't have my kids in this mold," When referring to the mold we found in the bathroom after pulling up the old tile. She never gave one caring word to my brother, not even a thought.
I struggled after I left, about wether I should tell him not to go through with it, or not attending at all. Or maybe, go and stand up when they asked if anyone objects. I'm sorry I didn't do any of three. It was only 19 days after being married that he died in their home. From what I can gather, he was getting excited for his friends to come live with him while they found a house to buy, and so the whole "suicide" theory, doesn't fit well with me. What disturbs me more, is that we were not notified until more than an hour after he'd been dead, yet her family was on scene as they took his body away. More disgusting is the fact that her story changed numerous times, and her mother has been her "protector" since this happened. She won't let her out of her sight.
I went down to see the crime scene photos, and new instantly that the note left was not his writing, or his style. Something terrible went wrong that night. I felt it and resisted the urge to call over and tell him about the photos I'd gotten from his wedding. I couldn't sleep though, nor could my child, and when the call came in at almost 1 in the morning, I felt helpless as one could. Was it all just a terrible dream? No I wasn't sleeping. Was it a bad joke? No, no one was laughing. What in the world did she do to him? 'yes' I heard, and as the story goes, the information started flowing from the other side.
She claimed to have cut him down, and begin CPR, but that is a far cry from what I watched the day I was in the hallway demanding she help him when he couldn't breathe from all the heat mixed wtih the dust. She said he was angry over her returning home 20 minutes late from work, and we all know he liked his breaks from her. She claimed he went out for a cigarette, and she went to check on him and found him. Everyone that knows her knows she didn't leave him alone for more than 5 minutes at a time, so that doesn't fit. Nothing fits. Nothing she says anyway.
I found out what they were fighting over, and it wasn't about 20 minutes. She changed her story to going out for a cigarette, to going downstairs to play on the computer (which he'd not touched in over a year), where the note was found, then outside to have a cigarette. (again nothing about this timeline is right) and last but not least, she claims the big knock across his forehead, came from work on Monday, (labor day) and once that was pointed out to her, it became Tuesday, but the neighbors said they didn't see anything wrong with his head on Tuesday night. (but she doesn't know that I know that) but in an attempt to cover the first two lies, she said it must have happened when she cut him down. (which doesn't fit the abrasion one gets from hitting head first into the floor).
Do I have reason to suspect that this woman had a hand in this, absolutely I do. Do I have a leg or two or three to stand on? Yes I do. Does she? Does she?
After struggling over what I should have, could have, would have done, if time were to reverse......I remember back to the shaman shows, that say, a shaman can help his village, but it is taboo, to help his family.
Monday, June 23, 2008
LTNP
The 2008 year has been amazing. Ups and downs and round about curves that throw me for loops that I somehow manage to breathe through without throwing up and last but not least, the amazing turn around in career.
Without warning or notice or even knocking on any door, I was picked for a close up story with the local papers. Not a week later I was again picked to do a presentation at a local University on the whole psychic/new age alternative healing.
The psychic group I put together six months ago is growing rapidly and might I say I've made an array of different friends that just shine from the inside out. I've somehow managed to keep my job, do the group, raise my kids and work a few murder cases as well. It's been for the most part, intriguing and fun and yet I cannot deny the entire rush that comes with the challenge of doing what I do.
I will do my best to continue in the regular posting of blogs, but to be honest, with as many blogs as I have, I cannot make any promises at this time. Oh holy snipes, I almost forgot, I have actually finished two books and am working on pantents for two divination tools I have created. (see what happens when you don't keep track of yourself) I'll keep you updated as things come along.
I'm hoping to get the group members to start posting on here, as I do love their wit and humor as well as their genuine insights.......so until next time, it's just me checking in again.....TTFN.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Letting Go To Live..
There are so many things to say about letting go of people and things that no longer serve your higher purpose, but when it comes to family, you have to take a huge step back and realize that letting go is never truly possible. No matter the distance you put between you and a toxic loved one, there is always the gift of empathy that brings them into your life time and time again. Empathically keeping tabs on your family is easy, but remembering that their pain is not yours is key in the process of letting go. Sending healing energy to those who are in pain either physically or emotionally is always suggested. Healing works both ways. What you give is in turn what you receive, so send healing to all those that impact you in negative or toxic ways.
With myself I notice that the females in my family can be recognized on the left side of my body and the males are felt on the right. This not only applies to family, but also to friends, acquaintances, lovers, spirits and so forth. Being a Professional Psychic Medium I find it easy to identify with who it is that is affecting me. All a person has to do is think of me and I will feel all their ailments. Constantly reminding myself that I am a spiritual conduit for those who have crossed over makes these moments pass quickly. I feel who it is and I ask what they need and then give the request to the universe.
You can learn more about me at www.lvlyfunpsychicreads.com
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